They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
