Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
