I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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