You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
