I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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