Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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