ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
