My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
