how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
