New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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