I want to stick my p in your. b.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
