i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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