i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
