he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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