Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
