Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
