If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
