Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I look better un-naked...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this just has baby written all over it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
