She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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