I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
...so i touched it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
