Have you finally orgasmed yet?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
