Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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