I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
