The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
