R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i permit you to call me
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
