I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
