Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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