this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
