Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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