I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
