I'm jealous of your bromance
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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