Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
