Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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