I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
