not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
