I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
