ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
