I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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