Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
