today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
