Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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