Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
