I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
