Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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