put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
