Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
