She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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