can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
