i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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