Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
