I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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