I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
