No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
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look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
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How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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