yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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