I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
