oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
