Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
