the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
