You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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