the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
