Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
