We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
