He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
