Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
