i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
